Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she peed on how many people?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
