so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
