Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
