My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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