if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
