I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
time to smoke my breakfast
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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