Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
