Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
