What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
