We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
