i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
