...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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