I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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