Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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