Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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