My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
