Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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