You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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