What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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