you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
