I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Alive.
So much puke
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
