oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
