why didn't you poke me back
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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