Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
