he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ladies don't puke and tell
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
