everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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