I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize