My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
