How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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