I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
