explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize