but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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