I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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