you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
