I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
