Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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