my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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