Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
