I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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