my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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