i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
