Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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