I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
