from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
