So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize