also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
