I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
