If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
