It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
