The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
