We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
