I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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