I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im holly from the hills drunk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
