i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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