New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
