My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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