Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize