My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
