I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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