Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
