he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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