Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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