We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
