I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
