Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
