I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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