Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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