He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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