i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
