CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
