I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
