I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
