No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
